It always makes me sad to read that young lesbians don’t know any older ones in real life because I remember how isolating that felt. It was definitely one of the reasons I struggled so hard to be even just neutral about my sexuality and why I misunderstood being butch for so many years.
The butch/femme and masc/feminine discourse has gotten a bit out of control in large part due to the internet and social media. If you don’t have real life intergenerational connections it can feel like ALL lesbians are on one side or the other of a very black and white line and that is just not the reality of real life.
I would say the majority of lesbians are “garden variety” or in the “comfy” zone of neither butch nor femme or neither masc or feminine. Just women who are lesbians and exist on the human level of having characteristics that are both stereotypical and non stereotypical as far as what culture assigns to us based on sex. Even butches and femmes do no necessarily check all the “boxes” the world thinks we should.
My lesbians friends who are not butch or femme are comfortable in a wide range of clothing and hair cuts and it just depends on what suits them at the moment. Once we get a little experience under our belts out in the world we seem to learn to wear what is both comfortable and utilitarian without worrying about the perception of the outside world. When it comes to dressing up for an occasion like a date or an event I wear what makes ME feel best and while still balancing that with what I think women might find me attractive in. I think it is a normal, common thought process shared with most other humans. We can choose what makes us feel good and still want to look good for others, especially other women.
I can assure you that, all jokes aside, no one can take your lesbian card for clothing choices, hair cuts or any other aesthetics. Your sexual orientation is what makes you a lesbian. Everything else is just being human. Don’t mistake the community or experiences you might share (or not share) with other lesbians as a requirement of your lesbianism. Those are perks but not necessary.
If you were sitting in your lawn chair by a fire pit with a variety of other lesbians you would hear many stories about how we struggled with being okay with our sexual orientation and it is not necessarily dependent on any support or lack thereof that we received. While an aggressively negative or anti homosexual home life, family or religious background can certainly make accepting ourselves much harder, even those of us whose family and friends were neutral or supportive had internal obstacles to overcome.
Few humans are free from the affects of the outside world, even before social media. In my youth, movies, tv, magazine and my peer group all had some backwards ideas about what being a lesbian is and applied incorrect moral ideals to it. I had to put in the work myself for many years to come to terms with being same sex attracted in a world that attached negativity to such relationships. Once I had lesbian friends, especially older ones I saw hope in my future.
You are okay just as you are. Your personality, aesthetic choices and hobbies do not have any affect on your sexual attraction and orientation so be you, enjoy what you like and be honest with yourself about what kind of woman you want to love and be loved by.
I hope you find some lesbian friends of many ages. In the meantime my tiktok might help you see that lesbian life can be full of happiness, friendships and variety.